Semester Blues

Today began the first day of my last year of school needed to graduate with my bachelor's. I wish I could say it was a piece of cake -- senior year, what a breeze, right?! But something about the mindset of having to go through another nine months of constant stress is absolutely tolling on my psyche.

It's almost debilitating.

While I was definitely stressed throughout the summer, I wasn't feeling as bogged down. Suddenly, there is senior thesis meetings, TA positions, shuttle schedules, work. The weekends are filled with stimuli creation, shooting, researching, trips home to NH, -- not Pour House and late night Papa John's. The luxury of being naive is over, the fantasy of a college experience is done. Suddenly, grown-up-living is right around the corner.

I know I have reasons to be excited: I'm going to finish the UFO project this semester. I'm going to be writing an *actual* psychology thesis. I have two shows lined up, I have a wedding to shoot, I still have a big check that hasn't reached me yet from shoots this summer. I am living by myself, without the pressure/annoyance of any other roommates. I should feel like successful, independent woman a la Destiny's Child, no? It's not so easy to be confidently independent.

For now, let me just dwell on the summer for a little while longer.